This is not my ceiling
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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