fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
