oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
