Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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