god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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