if you like me you must not know who I am
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
