There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
