Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
