i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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