don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
