I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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