Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
