just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
