Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
