i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
