i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
