I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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