Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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