Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
