I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
