Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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