Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
