Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We talked him into tasing himself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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