We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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