My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
