Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
