When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
