M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
