just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
