the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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