he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
