clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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