You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
