dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
