Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
