Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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