I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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