In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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