yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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