just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
