im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
