For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
