dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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