I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
