Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
