I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
