Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
