i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
