just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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