enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
