Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I want is dick and wine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
