I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
