if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
