I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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